attitude

i am realizing more and more that the people we surround ourselves with shape our energy and attitude towards life.

today we started a two-day program at a school because we couldnt make it yesterday because of the mud. at the start of the day, we always sing group songs and games to get everyone excitement up for the program. as we were introducing all of the volunteers, one girl at the edge of the circle suddenly fell over and started to get a seizure. i was about 10 people away from the girl, and i saw the progression as she fell, started to roll around, and then convulsing. i was so frightened that i basically froze as i watched her, and i had never felt so powerless and helpless in my life. eventually she drew a scene and people came and helped her.

after seeing that, i was somewhat discouraged throughout the day, just being overwhelmed with a sense of incapacity. i cannot help but think about the image of the girl falling down and me just standing there. it saddens me that my mind is not trained to shout for help when it is needed. not only here in africa, but even in the states? how many of us will scream help! or hey! when a woman's purse has been snatched across the street? or how many of us will call 911 when we see someone fainting in our neighborhoods?

once again, its the rain season here, and it poured like the clouds were falling down on us during lunch. basically, what had happened was that the coordinators started to serve lunch and some of the kids made it to the separate building where we were serving lunch (all of our classes are in separate buildings, and by buildings, i mean 15x20 structures to fit 50 students tops). when we turned around to go back to our respective classrooms, it started to pour, and most of the students had not made it to the lunchroom, and it was impossible to make it there and back without getting you and your food drenched.

i am thankful for our coordinators for their clear minds and decisive choices as they decided to take each icebox filled with nsima and bean relish to each classroom and feed the kids there. they were more than willing to get themselves drenched and their shoes soaking in puddles for this to be completely executed.

i was one of the people stuck in the lunchroom with a few students, and some of the rugrats (we call village kids who dont attend school "rugrats") started to climb the windows and reach their hands in. the only english phrase that they know is "give me nsima!" and they just repeat that over and over again. one moment, i got annoyed and i went to the window and just firmly said "no" to them all. in retrospect, i can't believe how selfish i was, let alone have the audacity to say no to a hungry kid. of course i could have just ignored him, but selfish me had to do something about it.

its clear that our attitudes shape our decisions and words. i realize that today, in all situations, i had the ability to do something better or at least not do something to worsen the situation. when we talked about this stuff later, i see that it is important for us to surround ourselves with people who can point our attitudes in the right direction.

cheese.